Naked Men In The Shower

How’s that for a title to get indexed by the search engines? Sorry to disappoint if you were looking for something less salubrious.

I went swimming this morning and when in the shower afterwards I started to muse on the reasons for the shower habits of others. There seems to be some key difference in behaviour. The reasons for them? Well, I can only speculate, which I will happily do with no scientific backing for my theories.

I have a view that being naked ain’t no big thing. However, I think that due to a lack of thought – a perennial problem as people don’t actually try to think – there is an instant assumption that nudity and exposed genitalia immediately have a sexual connotation. At times they do, but fer chrissake I am just talking about showering in a single-sex changing room. Cleaning is, or should be, the only concern in these circumstances.

To set the scene it is a pretty standard set-up of four showers in a row and two private cubicles.

Broadly speaking I have observed the following types of behaviour:

  • Get under shower, strip down and shower, rinse the swimmers/goggles etc and wash. Get out, towel off. Simples. I guess the reason that this seems the most logical thing to me is that I fall into the general cohort of Western European guys that do this. However, no eye contact and no chatting. We’re butt naked after all. No mixed-signals. Not British etc etc.
  • Straight into the private shower cubicles, shut door. Now having seen this behaviour I have tried the shower in each of these to see if I am missing out on some gloriously hot and powerful shower. Nope, they are both worse than Shower Three in the bank of four which, incidentally, is the hottest and most powerful of the six showers and the one I always try to snag. Mostly Mediterranean and Middle-Eastern folks doing this. So is it shyness and is that an upbringing thing? E.g.: are there latent hang-ups about getting your junk out in the view of others?¬†Suppressed¬†homophobia or fighting inner urges? I just wonder why.
  • Shower in the bank of four but don’t take your swimmers off. – Mostly Asian guys seem to do this. Does look a shade pervy when hand is thrust into front of budgie-smugglers and vigorous soaping is undertaken. This changes to comical as they work their hand around to clean their bum. Houdini would have been jealous of the contortionist goings on to achieve this.


After my pseudo-scientific observations I can conclude, unsurprisingly, that there seems to be a wide variety of male showering practises, driven primarily by cultural background. Hardly a topic for historical research into the whys and wherefores as I can’t imagine the words used when trying to put together a proposal for research that wouldn’t lead to many arched eyebrows.

Google Privacy – Something For Nothing?

I’ve just had my lunch interrupted – I was watching the news on BBC One – shortly after finishing the Heinz post.

Google is being accused of putting its customers – the buyers of AdWords as far as I can work out – before, get this, the consumers. There is then a cut to a vox-pop of a woman saying that she doesn’t want to be sold to etc etc.

Well,¬† DON’T USE THE FREE SERVICES then. Excuse my yelling, but really. All these Google products that Google has very cleverly made so useful and appealing are free. Yes, free. It’s a VAT number and not a charity number.

How do these people think that Google pays for all the free services they supply? I am beside myself at the naivety of the consumers, press, Big Brother Watch – another lot wheeled out because of their Orwellian name – and the journalists.

I think that if you need pictures drawn to explain this then perhaps you ought to go and educate yourself as a consumer. If you can read – this blog – then you can educate yourself. Arrrrggghhh

Big smiles and deep breaths. Back to my now cold lunch.

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