Blovember #24 Won’t Get Fooled Again

Having rolled out of the house with a cup of tea and a banana inside me I got to Wickes and started getting a massive hunger. There was the little trailer style greasy spoon in the car park but not enticing as the man frying everything looks like his last shower was a few days ago.

Around the corner is a Mucky D’s. I don’t do McDicks. We all know that they are the poster child of the obesity epidemic we face. Evil in a bun, an ill Morgan Spurlock in Supersize Me are the images in my head.

Hunger makes you start to rationalise things in a whole different way. The bush tucker challenges would be a doddle if you’d  starved Nadine Dorries for the preceding week and I’d tune in to watch that. But back to Fat Ron’s: I rationalised that their position in the spotlight means they have to be lily-white about any and all claims. Hell, they must test and retest and then test again to ensure there is no way anyone can come at them. So I pulled into the car park searching for the Drive-Thru lane and there isn’t one. Oh Gawd, I’ve committed so now I’ll have to go inside, so I do. Despite it being the outskirts of Oxford I felt like I stepped into a surreal movie set with the chippies darting in and out to test the systems by ordering capuccino. I perused the menu, the backlit board behind the tills and Johnny No Stars pesters me for an order whilst I am so clearly still reading. Why do they do this? Do most customers have it committed to memory or can’t they read to start with?

Ooooh looky, a Breakfast Burrito for £2.49. You’re hungry Shadders, don’t dwell on how they can get a burrito and fill it with a sausage pattie, bacon, egg AND a hash brown with my choice of ketchup or brown sauce all for £2.49 You’ll love it, it’ll hit the spot. Unfortunately I happen to know too much about food sourcing, animal welfare and labelling regulations.  I stamp out the thoughts about powered egg, tracing paper thin bacon and pig welfare ‘cos it looks gooood. Damn does it look good on that big shiny menu, so I order one. “5 mins sir, they’re making it to order”. Oh yum, even better if it’s freshly cooked. I pay my money and in about 3 minutes I get passed a bag. Straight out to the car and unwrap it and it looks just like the picture. I’m salivating like Pavlov’s dog now so I take a huge bite.

Hmmmm – what I have is something that tastes of stuff and ketchup. I try to be unbiased in my criticism and attempt to differentiate the tastes. Trouble is I can’t. It’s warm stuff in a wrap with ketchup. I fell for it again.

Blovember #12 – Two Certain Things

Death & Taxes

If you are Starbucks, Google, Microsoft or Amazon – and many others I am sure –  then apparently the latter barely applies in the UK. In a cunning wheeze you don’t actually trade in the UK so report and pay tax on very little apparent trading activity. I have a hard time blaming the companies as they are operating legally within the law. We all know the law is an ass so I hold HMG accountable for poor rules. With a properly structured tax system the dodges wouldn’t be possible and there wouldn’t be the discussions, which in true John Humphrys style, seem to imply deep guilt on the part of the practitioners. Where does the BBC get its left-leaning reputation from?

Apparently the British and German Chancellors are talking about a sales-tax to prevent companies hiding behind off-shore shell companies. Oh yay, again it is the consumer that pays  for the failings of the government. Remind me; what exactly is VAT at 20% if not a sales tax?

Rather than the rules being changed to state that if you conduct business in the UK then you are required to report ALL of the business carried on within these borders we receive a fudge. Now I’ll get to pay sales-tax on products from firms that already pay tax in the UK. Double bubble for the government, again.

At least death will be a sweet release from all this taxation nonsense and we can all be certain of that. For those unfortunate enough to stay alive then R4 is covering Nadie Dorries on IACGMEOH.
14.11.12 – Just read this: http://www.futurebook.net/content/amazon-dock Very good